I rotate facial hair styles almost every other week. I start with a beard, widdle my way down to a goatee, then a mustache, then a Hitler stache (of course for only a second), then baby face and start over. I wear big chops, dainty sideburns, soul patch, you name it, I have worn the style on my face at least once. I am not an expert on facial hair, more like a big fan and advocate. So, naturally, I realized there is a severe lacking in video game characters to have some awesome facial hair. Apart from fighting games in which you have so many characters you have the leeway to create variety in appearances, in most storyline based games, you don’t often see a bearded protagonist. Often, we have scruffy faces, if not just a clean faced man. So, join me if you will, as I provide my initial top 5 best facial hair styles I have seen in video games. Eventually, I will reassess this list and look for something more like 20, so please comment if you feel you have seen some awesome chops that deserve recognition.
Although Zangief is part of the aforementioned fighting game genre, there is some need to recognize this man who has as epic a beard as he does chest hair. It appears that Zangief may spend his days brushing his gorgeous beard when he isn’t pummeling some poor girl in an arena. He has a beard any gigantic street fighter would be proud of.
When we were introduced to the Bizarro, evil version of Mario, Wario stormed on to the scene with a perfect representation of evil; a crooked mustache. You will never meet a person in your life with a crooked mustache and assume they were good natured. Crooked musctache=evil every time.
Gears of War is an epic game that makes men wish they were buff soldiers mowing down aliens while cracking jokes. For some of us, however, there was a severe lacking in part due to Fenix’s soul patch not quite representing the badass attitude of these roided out soldiers. Then, along comes the tattooed cowboy with a beard that screams badass.
I am a scientist and I kill aliens with a crowbar. This perfectly groomed goatee fits perfectly with the scientist/hero that continues to fight back against all odds.
Show respect where respect is due. Mario has kept mustaches cool for decades. He has never shaved it off in order to keep up with the new looks and styles as years have come and gone. He is the perfect reference for any of us who are faced with the accusation that “mustaches are lame”. Mustaches are not lame, ladies and gentlemen, there is not a single one of you that has not played a Mario game at some point and wished that you too could be as awesome as he is.