Week of Love: The Top 10 Most Awkward Dates in Gaming
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and we’re sure there were many of you out there that celebrated the holiday with your significant others. We decided to compile a list of the Top 10 awkward dates in video games to make you feel better if you didn’t have a date, or appreciate it even more if you did.
10. Crono and Marle (Chrono Trigger)
Starting off our list is the meeting between Crono and Marle in Square’s SNES epic Chrono Trigger. It begins simply enough. The male main character controlled by the player is minding his own business, walking through the Millennial Fair, when suddenly he runs into a beautiful girl. They apologize to one another and Crono helps her find her pendant, and she decides to follow him around the fair to take in all the sights. At this point everything is going about as well as it can, but it soon takes a twist.
When Crono makes his way to his friend Lucca’s exhibition with Marle in tow, an accident takes place that sends Marle through a portal. Not knowing where it leads or if Marle is alright or not, Crono follows her through the portal and emerges 400 years earlier. When he finally locates her, he finds that she has been mistaken for the queen of that era and the real queen is missing. This creates a time paradox and Marle disappears, forcing Crono to rescue the queen in order to bring her back into existence. After rescuing the queen, Marle returns and admits that she is in fact the princess, Nadia, in Crono’s time and that she is a descendent of the queen that had gone missing. They then make their way back to the present day, where Crono is arrested for kidnapping upon escorting her home.
This definitely makes you appreciate it when you go on a date and it doesn’t end with criminal charges and jail time.
9. Joker and EDI (Mass Effect 3)
In Mass Effect 3, EDI, the Normandy’s AI, takes control of a robotic body hoping to be able to help the team beyond the confines of the ship. While she is a great squad member to use, her actions have an unforeseen consequence. Joker, the pilot of the ship, finds himself in love with her. This seems incredibly odd, considering the two constantly bickered in the second game. However, it proceeded to get even weirder from there.
As you make you progress through the game, you find yourself having to address their attraction, and even give them advice about how to proceed with their relationship. One of the most awkward instances involves giving Joker advice about how he should proceed with the relationship, despite the possibility of “broken bones from light over the clothes action.” It raises the question of how intimacy would really work between them, and all adds up to a very awkward scenario that comes in at #9 on our list.
8. Maria Renard and Alucard (Castlevania: Symphony of the Night)
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night is one of the greatest 2D side-scrollers of all time, but it definitely didn’t earn that honor through its writing and voice acting. The game has several meme worthy moments that leave you shaking your head, but none compare to the “good ending” that you receive if you complete the game with 205.6% completion.
In this ending, Maria Renart, vampire hunter and friend of Richter Belmont, decides that she can’t let Alucard, the half human son of Dracula walk out of her life. This is, of course, after she had just met him earlier in the game, and they had spoken only 6 times with absolutely no hint of attraction being present. Adding to the awkwardness of it all is the fact that he is over 400 years old, and she is only 17. It’s basically like Twilight, but with both characters lacking any emotion in their performances.
7. Zevran and the Warden (Dragon Age: Origins)
Dragon Age: Origins provides its players with a fairly strange option for a love interest. Midway through the game, the player’s party is ambushed by an elf assassin and his cohorts. He had been hired by Teyrn Loghain to kill the Grey Wardens. Having failed to do so, and being the only survivor of the ambushing party, the elf Zevran requests to join your party, and if you let him, immediately begins to hit on your character regardless of your character’s sex.
What makes the advances and possible romance so awkward is not the openness of sexuality or lack of restrictions that Zevran has in terms of sexual preference, it is the fact that he goes from someone trying to kill you, to someone trying to flirt his way into your pants in a matter of minutes. He provides a whole new meaning to the phrase love thy enemy.
6. Cloud and Don Corneo (Final fantasy VII)
There were a couple of dates in this game that could have gone on this list, but without a doubt, the mansion scene in Final Fantasy VII takes the cake. Cloud and Aeris discover that Tifa has infiltrated Don Corneo’s sex trade operation in the slums of Midgar with the hopes of getting close to Corneo and receiving information that he has pertaining to a possible attack being planned by the Shin-Ra Corporation. Not wanting to let her go alone, Cloud and Aeris decide to infiltrate the operation as well. The catch is that Cloud must dress like a woman to do so.
This leads to a series of tasks that all are awkward in one way or another to get items such as the sexy underwear, diamond tiara, blonde wig, etc. Once you get to Don Corneo’s mansion, he begins to look at all three of the “women” before him and if you managed to get all of the best items, he will select Cloud and bring Cloud back to his room for fun. However, as he tries to make his move, Tifa and Aeris burst in and Cloud reveals himself to be a man. They then threaten him with multiple ways to neuter him, and force him to give up information. It just goes to show that being a slimy pervert doesn’t pay.
5. Meryl and Johnny (Metal Gear Solid IV: Guns of the Patriot)
For much of Metal Gear Solid IV, Johnny is portrayed as a blunderer of a soldier with a serious case of irritable bowel syndrome. He also tends to be a bit of a pervert, and tries to grab a woman’s buttocks as she walks by before being scolded by Meryl. So it comes as a bit surprise later in the game when Johnny risks his life to save Meryl, providing an awkward mouth to mouth resuscitation scene. Yet that had nothing on what followed in the final mission.
Meryl is left guarding a passage while Snake is inside, trying to figure out how to end the battle once and for all. She faces insurmountable odds, and finds herself out of ammo as several soldiers advance on her position. Suddenly Johnny comes to the rescue and shoots all of the soldiers from behind. He then gives Meryl some more ammo and they continue the fight with a synchronized shooting scene that would fit right in with the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith. During this sequence, Johnny admits that he avoided getting any nanomachines injected into him because of a fear of needles. This explained his bumbling nature and the IBS, and Meryl expressed feeling sorry for being so hard on him, because she hadn’t known. He then confessed his love for her and she proposed to him. The entire scene is one that you have to see to fully grasp its ridiculousness. At any rate, their relationship changed from a tough working relationship to their marriage in the span of a few chapters.
4. Commander Shepard and Garrus (Mass Effect 2)
Garrus is one of the few characters that find his way into your party in all three games of the Mass Effect trilogy. He serves as a worthwhile combatant, while constantly working on calibrations for the Normandy. He is always open and honest with Commander Shepard and in Mass Effect 2, if you are playing as a female Shepard, he can be romanced.
This of course leads to quite a bit of awkwardness. Garrus is unsure of exactly sexual intercourse can even work between them and tells Shepard that he’ll have to do some research. If you happen to talk to Mordin on the ship during the course of your courting, he will advise you of different medical precautions that you should consider before continuing further, including above all else, avoid “ingesting,” as it can prove poisonous.
No knowing that strange alien sex is potentially fatal, you eventually can invite Garrus up to your quarters where he arrives in a dress uniform, with a bottle of wine and music that is more fitting for one of the many clubs in the series, more than for an intimate shared moment. In the end, Shepard turns off the music and they embrace. The rest is (fortunately) left to the imagination.
3. Leisure Suit Larry Magna Cum Laude
In Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude, you play as the nephew of Larry Laffer, Larry Lovage. Larry is a rather lusty college student who is interested in having sex above all else. So when he finds out that a TV show has women competing for the attention of the male contestant is going to be on campus, he sets out on an adventure filled with booze, promiscuity, and plenty of awkwardness to go around.
The method of conducting conversations in the game is a mini game in which you must guide a single smiling sperm through a gauntlet of negative points that will make you less attractive to the prospective woman you are wooing, trying to hit the positive conversation points. Add alcohol to the mix and it can prove to be a challenging and hilarious experience that also leaves you feeling dirty on the inside.
2. Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball 2
Team Ninja is well known for making female characters that are well endowed. While this makes for some very interesting physics in their fighting games, they took it to a whole new level of creepiness with the Beach Volleyball series. In these games, you have to select a female character to use in volleyball matches, and then select a partner, whom you must give gifts to and constantly make attempts to please. Should your partner become unhappy they will split ways with you and you will be forced to find a new partner.
Making this experience even stranger is the fact that you have other activities, such as photographing your partner, which has a creepy voyeuristic element to it, and other mini games that highlight the unique physics engine of the game. Add to this the fact that you can dress your character in highly revealing outfits or give them to your partner to wear, and Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball 2 hits a new level of awkwardness.
1. Snake & Paz (Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker)
The Metal Gear series has had its fair share of awkward situations. In Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, the player had the option to go on a date with Paz Ortega Andrade, who appears to be just an average school girl for most of the game. There are several ways that this date could play out and all of them were awkward.
For starters, the conversation element in the game consists of preset sayings that Snake has, which don’t really work for conversation at all. The player is left with a few options that can move things forward, but the rest result in awkward conversation. In some scenarios, the player can get under a box and Paz will follow you underneath. After that the box will shift about, and a series of hearts will emerge from the box.
Other scenarios see Snake taking pictures of Paz, being violent towards her, or even grabbing her breasts, which will result in Paz, who will play a key role in the upcoming Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes, knocking Snake out cold. It is because of all of this that Snake and Paz’s date has earned our #1 spot, which one can wonder if that is something to be proud of.
Hope you enjoyed our list, feel free to comment below and share your choices for the most awkward dates in video games. Also check out more articles from our Week of Love series.